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Publication Date 4-16-09 I think I’ve just seen the worst movie in the world.
Anyway, it was right in the midst of this cold that we watched a movie called “Thor, Hammer of the Gods.” I
was pretty excited when I saw the previews. After all, the Vikings are
my people and if you’re talking Vikings, Thor was the man. And, let’s
face it; there aren’t that many good Viking movies out there. The last
quality Viking in a movie was Kirk Douglas and he’s 92 now. Even a
Viking loses a step or two when he hits his 90’s. So, I called all my
children and made sure they had the movie in their daytimers and PDA’s
and I settled down with a medicine cabinet full of drugs and some
popcorn. You
know, it wasn’t so good. There is a possibility that I might be biased
– I was in the midst of a near-overdose on Tylenol PM and
decongestants, not to mention that my eyes weren’t actually open all
the way, but I’m pretty sure that even with those handicaps it wasn’t a
very good movie. Imagine
my surprise to find that Vikings used hair gel. That seems more Greek
or Italian. I can just see Zeus, Italian God of Scooters, saying
“Ciao!” with his perfectly moussed hair. About five minutes later, the first werewolves appeared. Once again, something I didn’t see coming. I’m somewhat familiar with Norway. I drove over a pretty big chunk of the country. If they were as thick there as this movie made out, I would have seen some road kill or at least some “Caution: Werewolf Crossing” signs, and I think I could have read them no matter what language they were printed in.
It wasn’t a very big budget movie. Once they’d paid for the Viking ship
and Thor’s hair products, there wasn’t enough left in the budget to
approve hiring extras or paying for more than two werewolf costumes. So
whenever there was a werewolf crisis, the whole group was threatened by
only two werewolves. Now,
I’m certain that werewolves would be a tough adversary, but all the
Vikings were dressed in armor and carried shields, swords and axes. The
werewolves just had fur, claws, and huge paper mache wolf heads, yet
they were always pulling the arm off some helpless Viking. I was pretty
surprised that they didn’t put up more of a fight. It
finally ended. Thor found his hammer, flailed around with it a while,
and then sailed off in his ship, his arm around a fetching Viking chick. And there wasn’t a hair out of place. Copyright 2009 Brent Olson Brent Olson |
