Humorous and Interesting Stories from the Heartland Brent Olson http://www.independentlyspeaking.com/article.html/ Tue, 22 Aug 2006 10:00:00 EST en-us 2006 Brent Olson Independently Speaking Brent talks about life changes Brent Olson Wed, 10 May 2006 10:00:00 EST Anytime you talk Oil you HAVE to be crazy Brent Olson Wed, 17 May 2006 10:00:00 EST Everything you wanted to know about Lawns Brent Olson Wed, 24 May 2006 10:00:00 EST Exploding Mosquitos and Politicians Brent Olson Mon, 29 May 2006 10:00:00 EST Letting go, Gun racks, and Sermons Brent Olson Tue, 6 Jun 2006 10:00:00 EST Brent and his wife go shoe shopping for Brent! Brent Olson Wed, 14 Jun 2006 10:00:00 EST Macho, Medicine and Aging Brent Olson Tue, 20 Jun 2006 10:00:00 EST He went hard, hanging on to the skin of this earth Brent Olson Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:00:00 EST Brent dives into philosophy-550 million references worth Brent Olson Tue, 4 Jul 2006 10:00:00 EST What's with Casey at the bat or am I missing something? Brent Olson Wed, 12 Jul 2006 10:00:00 EST Hot weather and the search for food Brent Olson Wed, 19 Jul 2006 10:00:00 EST You never know where you'll end up at Brent Olson Wed, 26 Jul 2006 10:00:00 EST Clerking jobs are ruining the youth of America Brent Olson Wed, 2 Aug 2006 10:00:00 EST Brent compares country living to the city Brent Olson Tue, 8 Aug 2006 10:00:00 EST Brent talks about life and relatives in Norway Brent Olson Tue, 22 Aug 2006 10:00:00 EST Brent talks about trials traveling in Norway Brent Olson Thr, 24 Aug 2006 10:00:00 EST Brent talks about how the world is viewed Brent Olson Thr, 31 Aug 2006 10:00:00 EST This week, Brent explains a way to get rid of bad TV and bad politicians Brent Olson Wed, 6 Sep 2006 10:00:00 EST This week, Brent talks about apartments in the cities in the “will kill 4 crack” neighborhood Brent Olson Wed, 13 Sep 2006 10:00:00 EST I’LL write the doctor a prescription-CALL Brent Olson Wed, 20 Sep 2006 10:00:00 EST This week Brent talks about going up in the world - literally. Brent Olson Wed, 27 Sep 2006 10:00:00 EST Brent is still up in the air as he compares how he's living now to his ancestors Brent Olson Wed, 4 Oct 2006 10:00:00 EST You can take Brent out of the country work but you can't take it out of Brent-It's a guy thing Brent Olson Wed, 11 Oct 2006 10:00:00 EST Shotguns, Ducks, and an old sportings goods store. Ahh the memories Brent Olson Wed, 18 Oct 2006 10:00:00 EST We'd called her “dirty Joyce,” “rotten Joyce,” “twisted Joyce” and “saggy Joyce. You decide which one fits Brent Olson Wed, 25 Oct 2006 10:00:00 EST It takes a sense of urgency to get things done. As we go to vote we get to remind the politicians of this. Brent Olson Wed, 1 Nov 2006 10:00:00 EST Brents takes some time out for hunting Brent Olson Wed, 8 Nov 2006 10:00:00 EST Experimenting on your relatives can be, well, a new sensation. Brent Olson Wed, 15 Nov 2006 10:00:00 EST Home is where you hang your hat and I've hung mine in some odd places Brent Olson Wed, 29 Nov 2006 10:00:00 EST How far would you go for a nice hot shower? Brent Olson Wed, 6 Dec 2006 10:00:00 EST What does it take to farm? There are rewards if you look for them. Brent Olson Wed, 13 Dec 2006 10:00:00 EST Brent reflects on what Christmas means and why we should be grateful Brent Olson Wed, 20 Dec 2006 10:00:00 EST Cerial or Crumpets for Breakfast. Brent spins a tale about one heck of a breakfast experience! Brent Olson Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:00:00 EST New skin, New Basement, New Year, It's just got to be a better year Brent Olson Wed, 3 Jan 2007 10:00:00 EST Don't you just hate the place? I do and I'll tell you why! Brent Olson Wed, 10 Jan 2007 10:00:00 EST When Trusting Country People Collide with Untrusting City Folks the Sparks can Fly! Brent Olson Wed, 17 Jan 2007 10:00:00 EST Sausage started it all and it ended up with needles and at the end, an insight Brent Olson Wed, 24 Jan 2007 10:00:00 EST When tables get turned I find out that certain places in Fargo have a unique way of taking care of mistakes Brent Olson Wed, 31 Jan 2007 10:00:00 EST If I’d had a ..45 strapped to my waist back when I raised hogs, there were many times when there would have been dead hogs in every direction Brent Olson Wed, 07 Feb 2007 10:00:00 EST What we need are impatient dreamers, dreamers willing to work to make the dreams come true Brent Olson Wed, 14 Feb 2007 10:00:00 EST It's only when I see a whole herd of them that a few common qualities pop out Brent Olson Wed, 21 Feb 2007 10:00:00 EST You take a hog house roughly the size of a football field and get enough snow piled on top to start making the rafters creak, it's gonna be a long day Brent Olson Wed, 21 Feb 2007 10:00:00 EST If you go to some place bizarre, you'll either get a great meal or a great story Brent Olson Wed, 07 Mar 2007 10:00:00 EST Every now and then there's a moment and if you don't seize the moment, you got nothin' but trouble Brent Olson Wed, 14 Mar 2007 10:00:00 EST When my phone rings, I grab my chest with both hands, moan, “It's a big one, call 911” Brent Olson Tue, 20 Mar 2007 10:00:00 EST I'm simply not convinced that any store that stocks wicker and/or candles is really tapping into Guy Central Brent Olson Wed, 28 Mar 2007 10:00:00 EST Last week I had two meetings out of town, which meant I took a half hour nap in the parking lot of a coffee shop the first day and on the second day I chose the back row at a Home Depot Brent Olson Wed, 11 Apr 2007 10:00:00 EST It was pretty interesting to watch an entire group of people totally united in their quest for deception - and all without the advantage of natural talent or training Brent Olson Wed, 18 Apr 2007 10:00:00 EST In a lifetime of bad judgment and poor choices, this one seemed to top the list Brent Olson Wed, 25 Apr 2007 10:00:00 EST It could be worse, of course. It could be me that's getting beat up Brent Olson Wed, 2 May 2007 10:00:00 EST I'm telling you, there's nothing like nearby thunder at 2:00 on a Sunday morning to put you in a mood for repentance Brent Olson Wed, 9 May 2007 10:00:00 EST I think trying to fix someone else's botched, indifferent work is perhaps the most frustrating job in the world Brent Olson Wed, 16 May 2007 10:00:00 EST Bread, meat, chocolate, and alcohol – those are the four major food groups. There isn’t really anything else out there to eat Brent Olson Wed, 23 May 2007 10:00:00 EST Truthfully, no one does Memorial Day like a small town. Brent Olson Wed, 6 June 2007 10:00:00 EST No need to go nuts with this – the prayer I learned doesn't go any further than daily bread. Brent Olson Wed, 13 June 2007 10:00:00 EST As he's swinging toward the tree, heading for supersonic speed, he turns to the camera and says, “This really gonna hurt.” Brent Olson Wed, 19 June 2007 10:00:00 EST Like many small town doctors, he was always short of sleep and that's where the conflict with the railroad crews entered Brent Olson Wed, 27 June 2007 10:00:00 EST The competition for cool air was fairly subtle and dignified, until I broke under the pressure and stood in front of the air conditioner with my shirt hooded over the vents, until my navel was dripping icicles Brent Olson Wed, 4 July 2007 10:00:00 EST I'm hoping my high school shop teacher doesn't read the paper this week, ‘cause he'll be mad at me for whatever I did Brent Olson Wed, 18 July 2007 10:00:00 EST Did you see the article in the paper this week about the Chihuahua that leapt between a little kid and a striking rattlesnake? I'll give you a hint – that dog's name wasn't Cricket Brent Olson Wed, 25 July 2007 10:00:00 EST No feeding, milking, butchering, cooking…none of that stuff. Just grabbed ‘em and put them in my mouth. Instant food, no work Brent Olson Wed, 2 August 2007 10:00:00 EST And that's where the anger comes in. For that bridge to collapse, someone didn't take their job seriously Brent Olson Wed, 8 August 2007 10:00:00 EST It seems like the more powerful a person becomes, the less responsible they need to be Brent Olson Wed, 15 August 2007 10:00:00 EST There were people in the house who thought this was not a viable permanent solution. I chose not to listen to those people and went back to bed Brent Olson Wed, 22 August 2007 10:00:00 EST But really, how many traveling carnival workers are going to read this column AND be motivated enough to find where I live and come over and beat me up? Brent Olson Wed, 29 August 2007 10:00:00 EST I wasn't thrilled with the idea of an obituary titled “Farmer crashes pickup while screaming like a wounded possum,” Brent Olson Wed, 12 September 2007 10:00:00 EST A buddy recommended that I take a hatchet out to the coop and hang it on the wall. Nothing really threatening, just a little reminder that there are alternative chicken-based proteins other than eggs Brent Olson Wed, 19 September 2007 10:00:00 EST There's an old saying “One shot - one duck, two shots - maybe one duck, three shots - no duck Brent Olson Wed, 26 September 2007 10:00:00 EST The conversation that night occasionally left me in the dust, especially when they talked about translations of Persian poetry or opera, but then it would swerve back to more familiar territory, like flaming rats and politics Brent Olson Thur, 04 October 2007 10:00:00 EST The only harm I've managed to cause the ducks was the sore stomach muscles they got from laughing at me Brent Olson Wed, 10 October 2007 10:00:00 EST As soon as my neck gives way and my head snaps backward and bounces off the back of the pew, I wake up Brent Olson Wed, 17 October 2007 10:00:00 EST I don't fret about the sexual orientation of real people – I have to admit I'm completely indifferent to the gender issues of fictional wizards Brent Olson Wed, 24 October 2007 10:00:00 EST I’ve hunted with guys who had spent thousands of dollars to train their highly specialized, purebred dogs. We’ve spent zero time and money training Cricket and believe me, it shows Brent Olson Wed, 31 October 2007 10:00:00 EST sure, you bet, I want the ginger ale, the trail mix, five or six movies, a five gallon pail of mint chocolate chip ice cream and maybe a chorus line of dancing hamsters and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing a medley of Beatles songs Brent Olson Wed, 08 November 2007 10:00:00 EST That's not something you want to hear, some clerk saying, “Yeah, you're over the limit. You can have the coffee, but I'll have to take back the scone.” Brent Olson Wed, 14 November 2007 10:00:00 EST I'd go to work with my hands smelling like Chanel Number 5. It didn't bother the hogs, but the guys I worked with thought it was pretty funny Brent Olson Wed, 28 November 2007 10:00:00 EST We're just all about cheap grace here. In our churches, in our politics and in our society Brent Olson Wed, 05 December 2007 10:00:00 EST Sometimes the right response is patience, facts, figures, and persuasion. Sometimes, it’s better to kick, scream, lose your temper and make a scene Brent Olson Wed, 12 December 2007 10:00:00 EST Still, behind my grey beard and puzzled eyes, Scrooge is always lurking, along with the concerns about what Christmas is really supposed to be about. Brent Olson Wed, 19 December 2007 10:00:00 EST A friend of mine said admiringly, "Will your dog do that?" "Are you kidding?” I said. “My kids wouldn't even do that.” Brent Olson Wed, 2 January 2008 10:00:00 EST One guy doesn't believe in evolution and another guy claims he's seen a UFO. The only way this could get better would be if the group included a trapeze artist, an international mercenary and a concert violinist. Brent Olson Wed, 9 January 2008 10:00:00 EST I don't know if that made me cream or skim, but it wasn't long before I decided that the view from the bottom looking up wasn't what I wanted to see. Brent Olson Wed, 16 January 2008 10:00:00 EST Actually, if you're a chicken, being asked to produce eggs isn't the worst case scenario Brent Olson Wed, 23 January 2008 10:00:00 EST Evolution in action, baby. If you’re too dumb to take care of your environment, death for you and yours is the inevitable result Brent Olson Wed, 30 January 2008 10:00:00 EST It seems there's this expensive booze that's in very short supply. It's made, a few bottles at a time, in a distillery way back in the Scottish Highlands – by goats wearing kilts is my understanding Brent Olson Thu, 14 February 2008 10:00:00 EST As I went in the door, I interrupted the treasurer's report to say, “I move that we sell the church and use the money to relocate the congregation to Jamaica .” Brent Olson Thu, 28 February 2008 10:00:00 EST Most men aren't willing. Most women, too, when you get right down to it Brent Olson Thu, 06 March 2008 10:00:00 EST It’s a little like having the ability to grow hair in my ears. Sure, I probably should be grateful for any hair growth, but the gratitude is a little tempered Brent Olson Thu, 19 March 2008 10:00:00 EST I just don't care how rich Senator McCain's wife is. I don't care where Senator Obama went to church and I don't care at all about Senator Clinton's hair style or jewelry Brent Olson Thu, 19 May 2008 10:00:00 EST We bought the new toilet during our latest remodeling project based on the observation that even though it, too, was a water saving model, it could flush a Buick. Brent Olson Thu, 12 June 2008 10:00:00 EST I'm not saying that people who work at giant supermarkets are unfriendly, but that's not a conversation I've ever had in one of those stores that's bigger than a township Brent Olson Wed, 18 June 2008 10:00:00 EST There’s nothing like a small town celebration and this one is going to be big fun. We’ve got a show, a parade, class reunions, food stands, fireworks - I can’t even remember all the stuff that’s packed into four days., People are coming from all over the country and at least a couple of different continents Brent Olson Thu, 26 June 2008 10:00:00 EST Ben Franklin loved to tell fart jokes and was very fond of the ladies. George Washington drank a lot. John Adams was a grump and Patrick Henry was kind of arrogant and obnoxious Brent Olson Wed, 02 July 2008 10:00:00 EST Another memorable point was the prom scene, which started with a couple who've been two-stepping together for half a century and ended with a pair who've been dancing with considerably more vigor for just a few months Brent Olson Wed, 09 July 2008 10:00:00 EST I think most people know there’s a need for some hard work and clear thinking and it’s past time to start in Brent Olson Wed, 16 July 2008 10:00:00 EST They were shown a houseboat to climb onto and each one was handed a lime-green Speedo – and told to put it on. Brent Olson Wed, 23 July 2008 10:00:00 EST I understand the concern. The folks on Wall Street don't know how to run a business (with losses in the past year 107 billion and counting), but they're great at wasting money and that's good for the economy. Brent Olson Wed, 30 July 2008 10:00:00 EST That's a problem – if I sell someone an autographed book, it'd be nice if they could tell that it was my autograph Brent Olson Wed, 06 August 2008 10:00:00 EST THEY'RE LITTLE GIRLS! Standing around giggling is what they're supposed to do it's part of their job description Brent Olson Wed, 13 August 2008 10:00:00 EST