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Publication Date 3-25-10
Our son is getting married in May. My wife said I needed a new suit. She's a fine woman, but sometimes it's like she has memory lapses. “I have a suit,” I told her. “How old is that suit?” she asked. I wasn't getting it. What possible difference would that make? I did some math in my head. “I'm pretty sure it's less than twenty years old. And, besides, it still fits.” She raised one eyebrow. I hate it when she does that, because that almost always means she's trying to send me a message, and it's usually one I'd prefer not to receive. “Okay,” I said, “technically, I suppose it doesn't exactly fit, but I can still get the pants buttoned, and how often does anyone actually button a suit coat anyway?” “You need a new suit.” she said. I was on uncharted territory. I've never really understood the concept of buying new clothes. I've always felt that the time to buy new clothes was when they were torn beyond redemption or you'd spilled enough herbicide on them so they were declared a toxic waste dump. But, my wife's a smart woman and she seemed pretty confident in her opinion. “Okay,” I said. “I'll keep my eye out for a designer I like.” A few days later I was killing time in a department store while my wife returned some stuff. I walked around a corner and saw a rack of suits with a big sign above them that read: CLEARANCE – HALF PRICE. “Hey,” I said to myself, “my favorite designer.” I sauntered over to take a look. I did some math. A suit, shirt, shoes, and tie at full price cost about a hundred dollars more than my first car. Granted, my first car had a door I tied shut with a rope and you could watch the road go by through the holes in the floorboard, but it still seemed like a lot of money for clothes that I'd wear only to weddings, funerals, or for giving a talk on Memorial Day. Still, there was that half price sign. A salesman wandered over. I tried on some of the sale suits and they seemed to fit. He explained that if I got a department store credit card I could take another thirty percent off. I was liking this designer more and more. - The longer I spent there, the twitchier I got. Every instinct in my body told me I needed to flee that place and I wasn't sure I could hang in there long enough to fill out a credit card application, no matter how much money it saved me, but it only took about a minute and a half. I couldn't help but think about my first credit card – it took three months and a personal letter of reference from the vice-president of my bank to get me something to use to buy gas when I was on the road. I kept that card for about twenty years. I'm planning to burn my new department store card as soon as I pay it off. I figure I'm not going to need another suit for at least twenty years. Copyright 2010 Brent Olson Brent Olson |
